Sunday 10 February 2013

It's a Twin thing: Part 2

Being a twin means you always have someone in your life to share the good times with but also someone to turn to when the going gets tough and Donna has been the most supportive, loving and caring sister I could ever wish for through the bad times.

When I was around the age of 14 I became quite ill. It was Donna that urged mum to get me to the doctors to get some tests done. She is the one who observed me and spent time with me almost 24 hours a day and she could see that I was unwell. I was eating us out of house and home but losing weight. I was sweating and had a tremor and my heart would race and I'd have palpitations. The blood tests I had revealed an overactive thyroid gland which was affecting my heart and metabolism.
Thankfully, I was quickly put on tablets to help me to feel well again but throughout those teenage years I was quite unwell at times and I was thankful to have had a loving and caring twin sister to support me through it all.
The doctors were concerned that Donna would develop the same problem being my twin but she was ok until after the birth of her first son when she started with similar symptoms and ended up receiving treatment.

Ultimately, my thyroid never stabilised and I ended up having it removed at the age of 20. I remember feelings of relief to get it removed but I know Donna was so worried about me and must have felt quite nervous on the day of my operation. Thankfully there was no 'twin thing' going on that day when the surgeons cut into my neck to remove the gland! I looked like Frankenstein afterwards with about 15 staples in my neck which has left me with a scar to this day but after the operation, Donna spent lots of time with me and helped me on my road to recovery.

The teenage years saw us becoming more individual although remaining close.

We both met our first boyfriends at a similar age, aged 17-18 and by that time, although we still remained very close it felt right to embark on our own journeys of love and later, marriage. Yes, we both married our first boyfriend...
In fact, Donna married a twin! Her wedding photos were great...Donna and her new husband and me stood next to his brother! I always thing they look very alike, although like Donna and I, you can see differences.

Sadly, after 9 years of marriage and the birth of our 3 daughters my husband decided to leave to start a new chapter in his life with someone else. We had been together from the age of 17. I was now 30 and had spent 13 years of my life with him.

Devastated and heartbroken I could not have come through this time without my twin sister Donna.
It seemed so unreal to me. The future I had always thought of was suddenly taken from me. I had no idea who I was as a person.
I had grown up with Donna and then met my first husband at the age of 17 so had always lived my life with someone. Never on my own. I was a young wife and mother, never just 'Marie'.
The months that followed the separation left me feeling emotionally and physically exhausted. The girls were 7, 5 and nearly 3 when their dad left.
I fell into a deep depression and felt so much anxiety about how I would manage to cope with 3 little girls and run a house on my own.
And I felt the pain of rejection. I was no longer loved...not by him anyway.
But I was loved by so many others and Donna most of all.
She helped me every single day to get out of bed and live another day. I remember I used to say,
"I can't do this anymore" and she would say, "But you are doing it Marie, you are doing it and you can do it."

I struggled on...but aswell as Donna being there for me, God was there for me.
He never, ever let go of me throughout it all.
It is when you are in the deepest of pits and in the darkness, when you can't see any light that God shines His light into the darkness and reaches His hand into the pit and lifts you up.
I really felt His protection over me.

He never took my struggles away or the pain I felt but He did use it to mould and shape me into the person I am now. And I completely and utterly put all my faith and trust in Him, always.

My faith grew stronger because of my experience and my relationship with Donna was made stronger too.
I remember talking about my problems over and over...and over again with her but she would just listen and listen and help me some more.
She must have been saturated in my problems but was always there for me even when she had her own things going on and probably had nothing left to give. She not only supported me emotionally but physically and practically too. She looked after the girls if I was having a particularly bad day. She would give me a break when I needed it most. She was the 'cavalry' arriving at my front door when I had no energy or motivation to carry on. She helped carry the load when I felt I couldn't any more.

God and Donna made a great team and helped me through one of the most difficult times of my life.
In fact, I feel God used Donna as a vessel to speak His words directly to me at times and to extend His love and compassion through her. It was no mistake I was born a twin.

Facing this new chapter in my life, I needed to establish a new career as I needed to support my girls financially as well as emotionally and physically.

Donna and I both gained good exam results on leaving school and both did work experience in banks which later led us to a career in banking.
Donna is still working for Barclays bank nearly 22 years later but after having my girls I left banking and with the change of circumstances in my life I decided to train as a teaching assistant, a job I knew I would love. I now also do the administration at school too and enjoy the balance of working with the children and working in the office.

We both work part time and more recently Donna completed a Humanities degree specialising in Literature and gained a First Class Honours Degree! I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of Donna's achievement! She obviously got more brain cells when the egg split! I cried when she told me her results and she so deserved it after 6 years of hard work, dedication and determination to succeed.

Donna has 2 sons and I have 3 daughters. Donna is so good with my girls and is more than an auntie to them...especially as we both live in the same street and the cousins are often getting together in our houses.
We both moved to the same new housing estate within 6 months of each other but lived in different streets. However, as Donna's family grew she decided to look for a larger house and found one in my street that suited!

And we aren't always in each others houses...I promise! But we do see a lot of each other. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Our husbands are very understanding!

As I have said before. I know why God gave me a twin sister because I couldn't go through life with out her. It is such a special relationship that we have. She truly is a blessing in my life and has never stopped being there for me, through the good times and bad.
We often joke about being old ladies together and the things we will get up to!

Just recently we shared a birthday and bought each other the same birthday present, an owl cushion! We hadn't even mentioned owls or cushions and just happened to buy the same thing.
Yet another 'twin thing'. Even we were a little freaked out by how weird it was!




It still amazes me now when I see another set of twins. I try looking for the differences and wonder what sort of relationship they have. I look at young twins and fondly remember our unique and special childhood and the happy times that we shared.

We will forever be sisters with a special bond.








2 comments:

  1. Oh Marie, another beautiful story and your very brave for sharing something that must have been very painful. You wrote it with courage and I have to admit my eyes became a little moist at times!
    As I read of your sadness, because I'm a sucker for a love story, it made me happy to think that it all comes right in the end and you really did find someone very special - I shall look forward to reading about that too.

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  2. Thanks Karen for your lovely comment and I will indeed share the story of how Phil and I met...it may be another moist eye moment I warn you! lol xx

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